I read this a couple of days ago and it wrapped my heart up like a warmed blanket does a body when at the hospital. "He does not enjoy the strength of a horse or the strength of a man. The LORD is pleased with those who respect him, with those who trust his love."- Psalm 147:10-11 (NCV) The NIV states, "His pleasure is not in the strength of the horse, nor his delight in the legs of a man; the LORD delights in those who fear him, who put their hope in his unfailing love."
Strength has been a repetitive topic of thought in my life. In my younger days, I often placed pressure on myself to be independent and not needy; to be okay on my own. In weakness, I wanted to at least appear strong. The lure of America's definition of success and strength has wained in recent years for me but I must admit there is still that desire to be strong in my relationship with Christ, in my character, in my marriage, and as a mother. However, many an evening self-assessment leaves me much lacking in at least one of these areas because all to often I attempt to be strong on my own, working at it much like one training for a race. To read that strength is not what brings God pleasure is soothing to the soul (especially for a "weak, perfectionist people pleaser"). Processing that "He is pleased with those who trust, fear, and hope in Him and His love" lifts my soul's gaze up in awe, praise, and overwhelming gratefulness! (The Psalmist is an amazing worship leader :) It is excellent to be reminded that He is not like everyone else; that His delight in me is not swayed by my puniness. These truths do much to reengage the strength of my spiritual "legs" beneath me, undergirding my heart, and moving me forward not by my might but by His STRENGTH!
Sunday, February 26, 2012
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Pennies
Last week the boys paid me back some money I had lent them at Wal-Mart. They had taken only their dollars to spend (left the change at home) and the things they picked out were a little more than they had in their wallets. Upon our return home, they kept their word and retreated to their room. A while later they returned bringing heavy loads of mostly copper coin back to me. As I looked at the mound I couldn't help but grin. I examined their piggy banks to find them mostly empty. What once was overflowing (especially Dax's) was now cradling a mere 2 or 3 coins. I added some change from the bank we keep on the washer and being out of penny rolls, I separated them into 50 cent increments. Thursday morning I headed for the bank, went through the drive-thru for the rolls and proceeded to bundle those circles in each little paper chute with the car in park and Korwyn snoozing in the backseat. At the end I had rolled a little more than $12. During this my mind couldn't help but take leave of the present world and venture back to visit Ruth, my grandmother.
She taught me about coin rolls. As a young girl (probably 5 or 6), I loved the sound they made and was awed by how they would stay together with such just the paper folded at the ends. Dime rolls were my favorite: the dime's size and shape, the way they sounded and felt when you had $5 worth of them in your hand and then how they would sift down the chute and settle atop your finger balanced until you could fold the paper ends. The wonder remains even after 30 years!
My memories were jolted by an interruption of the picture my mind had taken of the boys' empty banks. In that instant I recognized they had grown out of the penny, nickel, dime phases. These used to be consequences in the "good consequence" jar and that is how the fellas had earned so many but we don't use that system anymore. They have "graduated" to saving quarters now for a Kendama. As I looked at the rolls before relinquishing them to the teller I acknowledged once more we had moved through another milestone. As great as it is to watch them grow up, it is bittersweet as well--when one more thing becomes ordinary. The basic value of the smaller coins had not changed, but their worth to the fellas and what those tools were used for by the boys (mostly $1 Hotwheels) had changed (to $20 Kendamas). These small coins no longer help them achieve their goals most efficiently. I bid them farewell as I drove away from the bank thankful for what they had meant to my sons and how they had helped motivate them; teach them to count by 2s, 5s, and 10s; how they had sparkled at times in a parking lot calling to each of them to pick them up adding a sprinkle of happiness to a day for a treasure found! I am not sure I will ever look at a penny the same after this connection of past and present.
It is amazing how the things that cause awe in the eyes of a child cause wonder multiplied in the eyes of a parent! I am curious if this is a glimpse of what it means when the Bible speaks of God delighting in us as He watches us interact with His creation.
She taught me about coin rolls. As a young girl (probably 5 or 6), I loved the sound they made and was awed by how they would stay together with such just the paper folded at the ends. Dime rolls were my favorite: the dime's size and shape, the way they sounded and felt when you had $5 worth of them in your hand and then how they would sift down the chute and settle atop your finger balanced until you could fold the paper ends. The wonder remains even after 30 years!
My memories were jolted by an interruption of the picture my mind had taken of the boys' empty banks. In that instant I recognized they had grown out of the penny, nickel, dime phases. These used to be consequences in the "good consequence" jar and that is how the fellas had earned so many but we don't use that system anymore. They have "graduated" to saving quarters now for a Kendama. As I looked at the rolls before relinquishing them to the teller I acknowledged once more we had moved through another milestone. As great as it is to watch them grow up, it is bittersweet as well--when one more thing becomes ordinary. The basic value of the smaller coins had not changed, but their worth to the fellas and what those tools were used for by the boys (mostly $1 Hotwheels) had changed (to $20 Kendamas). These small coins no longer help them achieve their goals most efficiently. I bid them farewell as I drove away from the bank thankful for what they had meant to my sons and how they had helped motivate them; teach them to count by 2s, 5s, and 10s; how they had sparkled at times in a parking lot calling to each of them to pick them up adding a sprinkle of happiness to a day for a treasure found! I am not sure I will ever look at a penny the same after this connection of past and present.
It is amazing how the things that cause awe in the eyes of a child cause wonder multiplied in the eyes of a parent! I am curious if this is a glimpse of what it means when the Bible speaks of God delighting in us as He watches us interact with His creation.
Monday, February 13, 2012
Wife in the Midst of Her Husband's Brokenness
Yesterday the message covered what it was like in the land of Uz. This land, where Job resided, was very similar to our land in that "bad things happened to great people often without any warning or explanation". People hit the wall and are broken beyond what they can handle themselves. The text poured forth with response from Job. It gave several responses from his three friends and concludes with an exchange between God and Job. But Job's wife's input is minimal and yet adds such extreme sourness to the account. I have studied her before hoping to learn from her but it was more of a personal study than of a study of the text surrounding her. However, during these times, though I was attempting to focus on her, I would be overwhelmed by the events unfolding and begin to be more sympathetic to Job for having to deal with her. Yesterday something struck me I have never heard anyone else address, so it still hovers unsettled in my mind.
Initially God allowed Satan to take "everything" from Job in one day but not to lay a finger on the man himself. " Therefore why did Satan spare his wife? Was it because Satan knew she would be of more suffering to Job and therefore assistance to him alive than dead?
Or more powerfully was it because even the enemy recognized the one-ness of God's institution of marriage so to lay a finger on her was to "lay a finger on the man"? That is definite unity!
In either scenario, there is much implication for my place as a wife when my husband "hits the walls" of this life. If it is the first, I pray to encourage and uplift rather than contribute to the agony. If it is the latter, I hope to believe enough to question alongside David as part of me without cursing and in communion with God, worshipping through the tears.
Initially God allowed Satan to take "everything" from Job in one day but not to lay a finger on the man himself. " Therefore why did Satan spare his wife? Was it because Satan knew she would be of more suffering to Job and therefore assistance to him alive than dead?
Or more powerfully was it because even the enemy recognized the one-ness of God's institution of marriage so to lay a finger on her was to "lay a finger on the man"? That is definite unity!
In either scenario, there is much implication for my place as a wife when my husband "hits the walls" of this life. If it is the first, I pray to encourage and uplift rather than contribute to the agony. If it is the latter, I hope to believe enough to question alongside David as part of me without cursing and in communion with God, worshipping through the tears.
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Hope
Tonight I sit in my family room softly aglow from the tiny twinkles of the Christmas tree and garland adorning the fire place as my precious family sleeps. Today has been a wonderful, exciting time alive with the childlike wonder that often accompanies this time of year. For months I have felt blessed, content, amazed, and awestruck with all God has given me relationally through David, Daxton, Colton, and Korwyn. I know He heard repeatedly throughout this day the somewhat sarcastic but very well-meant "BEST CHRISTMAS EVERRRRR!" It was not meant irreverently just overflowing with gratefulness. As I sit and ponder this past year in our lives and in the lives of friends who have lost loved ones, I know that our current times together are to be pondered up and savored for they will most likely not always be. As much as I don't want today to be over, I do anticipate all God will do and how He will be faithful to bring us through just as He has done so often before.
This morning David and I arose earlier than the children. It was his brilliant idea to set an alarm for all of us (ours being 15 minutes earlier than theirs) so we could be awake with cameras ready to capture their faces upon entering the family room. When we arrived at our predetermined spots we knew they were awake and so we went in their room to bring them out a little early. He sat and brought to 7 and 8 year old light a truth about God and His Christmas Gift that spoke even to this 34 year old heart. He asked them if there was anything they were hoping to see out in the family room; if they were excited and anticipating what was ahead of them. They, of course, responded with nods of affirmation and total attention for he had hooked them. He went on to share that we can have that same hope and anticipation about Heaven because of The Gift of Jesus and that is why we celebrate His birth. It was such a quick, simple reminder in the moment, so relaxed and so relatable, yet so powerful. Yes, I was a little jealous but mostly I was thankful that God allows him use his words in such a way to lead the 4 of us.
As a parent, Christmas can get complicated. The world especially the American portion of it can cast so many tangents away from the True Meaning of the Season. In relationship with Jesus, I know the time of year is off, the account has been told and retold by stories and songs that it can get lost in translation, but I also know that childlike faith is to what we are called, and that knowledge and fact can bog down Truth as much as fiction, folklore and fairy tales. I struggle as a Mom to navigate my children through all of it. It is so refreshing when the Truth can be drawn from the simple moment of the day or experience.
I am so grateful for this hope, this anticipation that comes with my salvation because of God's Son, my Savior! I truly have had a very Merry Christmas and I am humbly grateful!
This morning David and I arose earlier than the children. It was his brilliant idea to set an alarm for all of us (ours being 15 minutes earlier than theirs) so we could be awake with cameras ready to capture their faces upon entering the family room. When we arrived at our predetermined spots we knew they were awake and so we went in their room to bring them out a little early. He sat and brought to 7 and 8 year old light a truth about God and His Christmas Gift that spoke even to this 34 year old heart. He asked them if there was anything they were hoping to see out in the family room; if they were excited and anticipating what was ahead of them. They, of course, responded with nods of affirmation and total attention for he had hooked them. He went on to share that we can have that same hope and anticipation about Heaven because of The Gift of Jesus and that is why we celebrate His birth. It was such a quick, simple reminder in the moment, so relaxed and so relatable, yet so powerful. Yes, I was a little jealous but mostly I was thankful that God allows him use his words in such a way to lead the 4 of us.
As a parent, Christmas can get complicated. The world especially the American portion of it can cast so many tangents away from the True Meaning of the Season. In relationship with Jesus, I know the time of year is off, the account has been told and retold by stories and songs that it can get lost in translation, but I also know that childlike faith is to what we are called, and that knowledge and fact can bog down Truth as much as fiction, folklore and fairy tales. I struggle as a Mom to navigate my children through all of it. It is so refreshing when the Truth can be drawn from the simple moment of the day or experience.
I am so grateful for this hope, this anticipation that comes with my salvation because of God's Son, my Savior! I truly have had a very Merry Christmas and I am humbly grateful!
Saturday, November 19, 2011
"Much-ness"
The Mad-Hatter: (to Alice) "You used to be much more...'muchier'. You've lost your muchness."
This time of year often brings about reflection on life. This past week, however, has ignited much reflection and the quote above was the culmination of that reflection Friday night as David and I watched Alice in Wonderland by Tim Burton. You see, Tim and I don't always agree on what makes a good movie but I liked this one. I especially liked the "much-ness" quotes.
As I stood at the back of a room of worshiping students on Wednesday night, looking at the backs of their uplifted heads, for a moment I was transported back to my days as a student. I seemed to glimpse myself and yet it seemed so so long ago almost as if I was a stranger. In high school, I had very little "muchness" but I still thought I knew more than I admit to know now. My muchness grew through college as I came to know You more and more. Then through the years of Washington it reached its ultimate point just before it plummeted through the past five or so years of confusion and hurt over You, Your plans, and Your Purposes for both me and humanity. This life has been known to grab me, flip me, and shake the "muchness" from me like a chef would a salt shaker.
More reflection was sandwiched between a Monday morning phone call and my Friday afternoon witness of a small blue coffin cradling a 3 year old boy leading a procession into a church service and then out again. Nothing prepares you for that scene-especially when it is like this instance without prolonged sickness to foretell its coming. Crazy accidental stuff like this highlight the vulnerability of the human form no matter the age as well as the frailty of life as we know it. No amount of sympathy can let one imagine what life must be like for that father, mother, sister, and brother left to continue without a crucial piece to the puzzle of their family. I am sure their "muchness" is depleted right now. Mine wavered a bit and the reality of it is so far removed from me. However I do know You and though I cannot comprehend "why" things of this nature happen I know You hold us, cry with us, and can mend our hearts when they do. I have recently posted how grateful I am for the current season of life in which you have our family but I know the wind could change and that season could turn on a dime. This occurrence only undergirded that truth. I do hope and pray that when it does turn again my "muchness" will remain and multiply rather than dumping out and then having to be refilled.
Alice Kingsley: "Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
The Mad-Hatter: "That is an excellent practice."
This quote came over me and curved my lips upwards. I could only agree with the Mad-Hatter! How excellent would it be to practice thinking through all the "impossible things" with You each morning, actively pondering belief of them! First of all that You created me and love me. Secondly that You sent yourself/Son in human form to die for me, that I could know You and live eternally with You. Third that You dwell in me. Fourth that You have planned out the desires of my heart and then filled them giving me a life more than I could have ever imagined. Fifth that You have created other little people and allowed David and I to participate in that. Fifth that You know all, predestine all, AND provide free will at the same time. Now those impossible things are a great start to a day and makes one "much more muchier"!
This time of year often brings about reflection on life. This past week, however, has ignited much reflection and the quote above was the culmination of that reflection Friday night as David and I watched Alice in Wonderland by Tim Burton. You see, Tim and I don't always agree on what makes a good movie but I liked this one. I especially liked the "much-ness" quotes.
As I stood at the back of a room of worshiping students on Wednesday night, looking at the backs of their uplifted heads, for a moment I was transported back to my days as a student. I seemed to glimpse myself and yet it seemed so so long ago almost as if I was a stranger. In high school, I had very little "muchness" but I still thought I knew more than I admit to know now. My muchness grew through college as I came to know You more and more. Then through the years of Washington it reached its ultimate point just before it plummeted through the past five or so years of confusion and hurt over You, Your plans, and Your Purposes for both me and humanity. This life has been known to grab me, flip me, and shake the "muchness" from me like a chef would a salt shaker.
More reflection was sandwiched between a Monday morning phone call and my Friday afternoon witness of a small blue coffin cradling a 3 year old boy leading a procession into a church service and then out again. Nothing prepares you for that scene-especially when it is like this instance without prolonged sickness to foretell its coming. Crazy accidental stuff like this highlight the vulnerability of the human form no matter the age as well as the frailty of life as we know it. No amount of sympathy can let one imagine what life must be like for that father, mother, sister, and brother left to continue without a crucial piece to the puzzle of their family. I am sure their "muchness" is depleted right now. Mine wavered a bit and the reality of it is so far removed from me. However I do know You and though I cannot comprehend "why" things of this nature happen I know You hold us, cry with us, and can mend our hearts when they do. I have recently posted how grateful I am for the current season of life in which you have our family but I know the wind could change and that season could turn on a dime. This occurrence only undergirded that truth. I do hope and pray that when it does turn again my "muchness" will remain and multiply rather than dumping out and then having to be refilled.
Alice Kingsley: "Sometimes I believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
The Mad-Hatter: "That is an excellent practice."
This quote came over me and curved my lips upwards. I could only agree with the Mad-Hatter! How excellent would it be to practice thinking through all the "impossible things" with You each morning, actively pondering belief of them! First of all that You created me and love me. Secondly that You sent yourself/Son in human form to die for me, that I could know You and live eternally with You. Third that You dwell in me. Fourth that You have planned out the desires of my heart and then filled them giving me a life more than I could have ever imagined. Fifth that You have created other little people and allowed David and I to participate in that. Fifth that You know all, predestine all, AND provide free will at the same time. Now those impossible things are a great start to a day and makes one "much more muchier"!
Wednesday, November 09, 2011
Grateful, Peaceful, Enveloped
Sharing prayer requests the other day with two friends gave me the opportunity to verbalize what I have been feeling for several weeks. Honestly in that moment I had others to pray for like Pawpaw and Buddy and so on but personally no requests, but praises from all directions. Right now we are good...healthy, learning more and more about Him and the dynamics of Him and our children. This season is a calm one. I can't think of anything-- even a want --and especially a need that He is not handling right now. I know it will not remain so most likely until my time on earth is spent but right now I am not taking it for granted and thankful to Him. I am trying to take time to share my excitement with Him in the little things that bring so much joy, and not leave Him out. I imagine He likes for me to run to Him with my squeals of joy and not just my tears of desperation!
"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." - Zephaniah 3:17
"The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing." - Zephaniah 3:17
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Hope and excitement
I have learned very well in this life that circumstances can't guide me. I will not allow them to rule whether I have joy and peace or not. But there has been a wave of circumstances in the lives of my friends that have caused excitement and hope to well up within me to mass amounts overflowing! I know this world is not our home and that we are just passing through; there is nothing that makes me want to stay and linger any longer than absolutely necessary, but it is times like these when I see my Father sending us postcards of love.
One of my favorite people is getting married in June after seeing much heartache and disappointment; this is one person I would have loved to spend a little part of each day with myself and could never quite understand why anyone would give that up through divorce. One of my dearest friends is in the finishing stages of adopting a little girl from China and to hear her talk of her husband and boys and the journey they are on to find this precious one makes my heart jump for joy to God. Two wonderful blessings in my life have just been accepted on a journey to a university environment that seems astounding and this makes my heart backflip. I am being allowed the privilege of watching my amazing neighbor be an amazing mom for the first time! Other friends families are being added to with new little creations regularly. One friend keeps me up to date on how she and her husband are loving people here and in India while some family keeps me in tune with a Nepali orphanage. Not to mention my own "awesome" family makes the number of laugh lines increase around my eyes almost by the second!
I have seen all of these endure hardship, pain, and brokenness. I have walked with them in some of it and had to be far away and lift them up to follow Him alone in other parts but oh, how wonderful it is to skip with them through these good times. It is these that make you glimpse the goodness of Him and how he works in it all!
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